If I die and go to hell, I have some ideas of what that hell might be like. It might be a convoluted trade show labyrinth with attendees packed in like sardines. In order to save my soul, I need to reach the opposite end of the convention center on time, but I can't navigate the hall or the masses. Or, hell may find me trapped on an endless customer service call for my computer – with no resolution. Oh wait, that was my hell on earth last week.

Knowing what that hell is like serves as a cautionary tale for the wireless industry as it heads down the enterprise communications path.

Every time my ISP and high-speed data provider launch a software upgrade, it creates crippling access issues and computer headaches. I usually bypass any updates, but I must have been in the sun too long that day. As I shut down my computer, it asked, "Download updates now?" Sure, why not.

When I turned on my computer the next day, it acted as if it was in the deadly "vice" grip of a virus. So I called my ISP for help. I spent four excruciating hours on the phone, alternating between an automated service agent – attempting in vain to describe my problem in terms that would tickle its predefined hit list – and being shuffled from one live agent to another who simply read through another message script of problem resolutions, most of which I already had tried myself. Despite being given a case reference number, not one of the live agents I interacted with had reviewed my file – if indeed there was any documentation at all. Each time, I had to repeat my name, my screen name, describe my computer and programs and detail the problem.

After a point, I felt I was in too deep to turn back. After two long hours, surely I must be close to reaching the right customer care tech and a resolution, for heaven's sake. Or, if I hung up and called back later, would I have to repeat all of those painfully dead-end steps that had only gotten me this far?

As wireless offerings grow more complex and wireless enterprise solutions become more mainstream, we have to be careful not to visit a similar hell upon our customers. To date, our customer service calls primarily have been for voice-related services and the problems primarily have involved handset issues or billing concerns. But with wireless data and the increasing marriage to the Internet through laptops and air cards, wireless carrier service departments must become better-versed in all things data and how that affects their products and services.

With this in mind, here are my recommendations for adding to your customer service hit list.

• Online or automated voice assistance can work well with certain training elements, billing questions and customer retention efforts. But they can't be the sole points of contact, especially if customers' devices or services aren't working and there is a work-stoppage issue.
• Customers should be able to bypass the automated service immediately in favor of a live agent if circumstances are critical.
• If the automated system is going to allow the customer to describe the problem to bounce against a menu of possible service issues, make sure the menu is updated frequently as new problems/resolutions are uncovered. Common problems will change over time as new wireless data features and services are added. If the menu remains static, plan on customers rejecting the system.
• Have continuity between automated and live agents. If you are assigning and tracking case numbers, for goodness' sake, use that information. Having customers repeat the same information only adds to their aggravation.
• Make sure your system – both automated and live – solves problems. If your success rate at resolving problems is anything less than 80 to 90 percent, you better make immediate changes. If you aren't solving problems, you are wasting your customers' time and patience, frittering away valuable customer care time and productivity and sending customers a golden invitation to switch service providers.

So, after four hours on the phone, what happened to me? There apparently was a shift change and the last live agent said, "Do you have a pencil? Write these steps down." She rapid-fired 10 steps that I needed to take on my own time, which included rebooting (for the ninth time), uninstalling the software and re-installing an older software version. "If that doesn't work, call back," she said.

Are you kidding me? Instead, I contacted a local computer geek service and let its tech sort it out – for about $120. I can honestly say that I am not feeling a lot of love for my ISP right now. Its technical staff couldn't resolve my problem and as far as I am concerned, this out-of-pocket expense was their fault. This low level of "customer assistance" is unacceptable and can surely be improved upon by our own more customer-centric industry.

All I can say is, if this experience even remotely resembles hell, that's good enough motivation for me to enthusiastically embrace clean living.